Dental Discord
by onceuponajollyroger
Summary: After Killian moves in with Emma, she quickly learns that he has quite the sweet tooth, so it comes as no surprise when he ends up needing to see a dentist. What does shock Emma are the extreme, and somewhat humorous, measures her pirate takes to get out of that appointment. [Captain Swan Oneshot]


"Mom, you ate _all_ my ice cream, again?" Henry accused with a disbelieving frown on his face.

"It wasn't me, kid," Emma replied as she walked into the kitchen to join Henry at the refrigerator. Sure enough, the ice cream was missing from the freezer.

Henry let out a disappointed sigh as he walked out of the kitchen and towards his room. "I haven't had dessert in weeks, you know," he called back in annoyance.

Emma frowned as she examined the other contents of the fridge. The jello she bought yesterday was gone- all six cups. She closed the door in a hurry and rushed to look through the pantry. Cupcakes: gone. Apollo bars: gone. Oreos: gone. Even the granola bars hadn't survived _someone's_ ravenous attack, and Emma knew exactly who that someone was.

Emma threw the door to their bedroom open only to find Killian staring back at her with a jointly startled and guilty expression on his face. He was sitting in their bed watching TV, the same channel she had left on for him an hour ago- he still hadn't wrapped his mind around the remote-, and had his hand hidden behind his back.

"What do you have there?" Emma asked with the quirk of an eyebrow as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Killian shook his head and gave her his most charming and toothy grin. "I don't know what you mean, Swan."

Emma rolled her eyes and rushed at the bed, reaching behind his back before he could stop her. She latched onto a box in his hand and pulled it forward to reveal: _Pop-Tarts_.

"Seriously?" she whined as she waved the box in front of her in disbelief. "You've been living with us for a month, and you've already managed to eat every sweet food in the apartment."

Killian looked away from her quickly, instead staring down at his lap with a grimace. "I'm sorry that I've not been a good housemate, Swan," he answered nervously.

She softened upon hearing the worry in his voice. "I love living with you. I'm so happy that you're here," she said with a gentle smile as she cupped his face in her hands and brushed her thumb across his scar.

Killian returned a hesitant smile and finally met her gaze.

"I'm just worried about your teeth," she added. "I'd hate for you to ruin those pearly whites," she quipped as she leaned forward to press a kiss against his forehead.

* * *

He tried his best to hide it, really he did, but Emma could see right through Killian's attempt. After months of eating all the sweets he could get his hook on, he had a sore tooth. She broached the topic of the dentist to him on a few occasions, but once Henry actually explained what dentists were, Killian flat out refused to see one. Now though, it had gotten out of hand.

Emma woke up in the middle of the night to find the sheets thrown back on Killian's side of the bed; he wasn't anywhere in sight. Groggily, she forced herself to leave the safety of her soft, warm bed and ventured out to find him. He wasn't in the bathroom, so Emma crept out to check the living room. On her way down the hall, she saw a faint light coming from the kitchen. She peeked around the corner to see Killian standing in front of the open fridge. _Unbelievable_. He had an awful toothache, and he was still raiding the fridge for midnight snacks.

Just as Emma stepped forward to scold him, she stepped on a squeaky floorboard. Killian spun around in surprise. "Swan, I can explain," he began as he quickly shut the refrigerator door behind him.

Emma groaned in exasperation as she saw him holding an icepack against his cheek. "Killian Jones, I don't how much you fight me on it; _you are going to the dentist_."

Emma called the dentist first thing in the morning, despite Killian's resolute protests. He spent the entire week leading up to his appointment doing his best to convince Emma that his toothache had simply disappeared.

"_It didn't magically go away, Killian."_

"_Really, Swan, you of all people shouldn't rule out magic as a possibility."_

The day of the appointment, Emma woke up to find Killian's side of the bed empty, and his favorite jacket and boots gone. She rolled her eyes. Honestly, she'd expected it and prepared; she already got a locator potion from Belle knowing full well she'd be using it today. Still, Emma had hoped Killian would be a little more accommodating. Emma dressed for the day before pouring the locator potion over one of Killian's shirts. She followed it down to the docks, _figures_, only to see Killian quickly preparing a boat to sail.

"Don't you dare," she called out to him as she rushed down the dock.

Killian jumped at the sound of her voice and looked up with disappointment all over his face. "Swan, I didn't expect you to be up at this hour," he said smoothly. "I just thought I'd go for a quick sail before that appointment," he tacked on quite unconvincingly.

"Killian, I'm a human lie-detector," Emma scolded as she rolled her eyes. "Out of the boat. Now."

Killian hung his head low as he dropped the ropes he had been fiddling with and reluctantly stepped out of the boat. He followed along after Emma, neither speaking a word. He finally broke the silence when he realized they had arrived at the sheriff's station. "What are we doing here, Swan?"

Emma didn't answer, just leading him into the building and towards the jail cell. She stopped in front of the cell and simply nodded forward, motioning for him to enter.

"Swan?" he said nervously.

"Get in," she answered coolly.

Killian's mouth dropped open in shock as he simply stared at her dumbfounded. "You cannot be serious."

"Killian, your appointment isn't until this afternoon. I have to see Henry off to school and watch Neal for my parents this morning. I don't have time to keep track of you," she replied curtly before again motioning for him to enter the cell.

Killian let out a loud, dissenting groan as he trudged into the cell and took a seat on the small cot inside. He turned to face the wall, refusing to look at Emma, as he heard the bars clink shut behind him.

"I'll be back to get you soon. Be good," Emma said as she spun around to head home.

Really, Killian had no reason to complain. He was locked up for barely five hours before Emma returned to get him. She even brought him a sandwich from Granny's as a peace offering.

"It's not bologna, right?" he asked with a defeated tone as he took the brown bag from her and cautiously peeked inside.

"Turkey. I figured you've had a rough enough day as it is," she jeered as they walked along to the dentist's office.

Despite the weeklong protests and botched morning escape plan, Killian was rather well-behaved at the dentist's office. Emma could tell he was anxious and scared as they waited in the lobby, but he put on a brave face. When it was time for his appointment, he even _let_ Emma accompany him.

"_Well, you know, Swan, you'll probably be bored waiting out here by yourself, so if you want to come back with me, you can."_

Emma held his hand during the entire appointment. He cringed and squirmed and squeezed her hand uncomfortably tightly as the patient hygienist cleaned his teeth. They didn't truly run into problems until the dentist arrived to look at his teeth and give him fillings. That required a five minute break and some serious bribes on Emma's part.

"_Swan, I've been held captive more times than I'd prefer to count, and I've endured my fair share of unpleasant treatment, but never in all the realms I've visited have I seen torture like this. She's trying to drill holes in my teeth!" _

Again, Emma found herself sitting in the chair next to Killian, losing feeling in her hand as he squeezed it. The sharp sound of the drill buzzed through the air as Emma tried to comfort her clearly horrified boyfriend. At least he had been fairly easy to bribe. All she had to do was promise to buy him all the jello, _sugar-free_, he wanted, and he agreed to sit quietly and get his fillings.

"You know, Emma," he said as they walked out of the office hand in hand, "that wasn't so bad actually." Killian grinned as they strolled down the street.

Emma took a deep breath, counted to ten, and reminded herself that she wouldn't have to do this again for another six months.

* * *

"How does your tooth feel?" she asked as she nuzzled up against him on the living room couch.

Killian let out a sigh as he answered back reluctantly. "Much better, Swan," he grumbled. "Though, I'm still not happy about you locking me up in the brig all morning. David showed up at the station after you left- I'll never hear the end of it from him."

Emma let out a small chuckle before crawling into his lap and running her hands through his raven hair. "Well then, how about I make it up to you?"


End file.
